Truth Be Told..

My Testimony

I remember the first time someone asked me to share my conversion story, I literally went into a panic. My heart wanted to jump out of my chest! I pictured myself standing up in front of the whole entire congregation, my parents included - and telling all my little secrets. Sure, I would tell them how that was the "old me" and now that I have Jesus as my Lord, I was not that person anymore. But still, would I get grounded for sneaking out of the house last weekend? Do I really want my parents to know that I started smoking? OHHH..panic city here I come!! Never mind feeling like everyone was staring at me...on and on my beady little brain allowed fear and anxiety to overtake me! The other thing that made me nervous was that at the time I was asked to give my testimony for the first time, I was very young still (around the age of 13) and was not in the world long enough at that age to have a very elaborate story to tell; I was not a drug addict, I had not been heavily influenced into some great immoral sin and while I was enduring the tough pre-teen growth pains; I felt I was just too young to have a story powerful enough to entice my listeners with. If this sounds like you, I am here to tell you - you are not alone! Many of us feel the same way.

I want you to know that all of the above are attacks from our enemy, Satan. He does not want you sharing your story! This is a form of witnessing and your story has the ability to encourage others - especially other new converts. He does not want you to do that and will put all kinds of fear and anxiety into your head to try to prevent you from spreading the power of God around. Do not let him win this battle! I sure as heck didn't - which leads me to what happened next at my first testimony, I ignored all the fear and anxiety in my head because I really had no other choice! What was I going to say when the Pastor of the Church calls me to come up and give my testimony? No. I don't want to?? Certainly not! I would never live it down! and besides that - my parents would have made me.

Anyway, when my name was called to come up to the microphone, I quietly made my way to the front, dripping in sweat and took a deep breath. I did not have my testimony written down because I was so nervous it never dawned on me to do that! I just started speaking, and to honest with you I do not even remember what I said at that time, but I do remember that it started raining so very hard all of a sudden and the church building had a metal roof that made the rain so very loud inside of the building. But I was so out of body at the time that I went on through my testimony anyway, never thinking that it could not be heard over the loud echoing rain that was hitting the roof like a banshee on a mission!

After I finished my testimony I walked back to my seat just knowing that I was going to end up grounded without a doubt! - even if I don't do those things anymore! But, my parents whispered to me that no one could hear what I was saying over the sound of the rain. I still to this day do not know what to make of that! Intervention? maybe? Maybe Jesus decided I didn't need to be grounded and made it rain for me...or maybe it was the enemy taking one last effort at suppressing the glory of God, I cannot say!

My life as a Christian did not really change in a huge way upon conversion. I found that really shocking at the time because I have heard so many stories about other people turning their lives over and it always seemed to be nothing short of a miracle happening! Well, over time I found out that this kind of conversion story; the kind that claim "I accepted Jesus as my Lord and in a blink of an eye, my heart and mind was changed and it has been nothing but rose bushes and picket fences since" are just not true and should cause the story teller to question what really took place! You cannot become a new person until the old person is broken and dead! While salvation can be granted, believe you me - you will not just be handed a silver plate and carry on. Truly turning your life over to God will demand sacrifice, pain, suffering, loss and brokenness. However, I did feel different immediately in the way of a whole lot of stuff, guilt maybe, being lifted off of me. I cannot really describe what I felt - but my new self did not suddenly emerge and away I went, in fact, shortly after converting - my new self went way south for many years.

After converting, I really started to get wrapped up in the world. Being a young teen, the need for independence hit like a ton of bricks; arguing with my parents was an everyday occurrence and I really went off the rails. I ended up running away from home before the age of 14 and found myself out in the real world without a safety net. No one around to warn me of the things that I was doing, no one reminding me that I was loved. While I was able to do anything I wanted to do, within reason of course..it was a mess. I don't want nor feel the need to go into all of the gory details about all that I got into and everything that happened, but I will say that I did a great job of finding some of the most dangerous situations a person can find. Some of the situations that I found myself in could have only been by the grace of God that I did not end up at the bottom of a storage barrel or in a ditch somewhere along the highway.

I also need to tell you that even though I was a young convert I never forgot the little bit of teachings I had received about God I held onto those little bits of teachings as if my life depended on it and I do believe it was those teachings that kept me from becoming fully lost in the world when I look back at that time in my life now. Don't misunderstand what I just said. I held on to them, but did not always adhere to them. I did get into drugs, drinking and some other unsavory things that do not need to be focused on in this article. However, what I really mean to say is that the teachings I held onto helped keep my head above water and not becoming totally lost in the world, I used those teachings as my moral compass. Compromising on some of the things I knew were wrong, but only so many and only for so long - yeah, I know, it sounds rather loose and I have to agree with you today about that!

Anyway, I never did return home and about 10 years after I ran away I did get in touch with my mom, I was about 23 at the time. I needed to tell you that so that you do not think that this was just something that I did and returned home after I had some fun for a bit of time. And I also want to tell you that me and my mom got past all of what took place and we had a very good relationship. I am talking in the past tense because she passed away back in 2005, and while it was very hard for me to get past losing her - I eventually did and am thankful to my Heavenly Father for putting me with such a loving mother, allowing us time to rekindle our relationship and allowing her to meet my new future husband (you will understand what this means later in my story). He did all of this for her so that when it came time for her to leave this world, she would not go out of this world worrying about her daughter!

It really wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I started to really convert in my heart. It was about that time when I started to recognize the many ways God and Jesus has looked over me all of my life, my heart cried for all that I had done and yet, God never turned His back on me, not one time and that is when my rebellious streak started to break.

I really wanted to turn my life around - by this time I was married and had a son with another baby on the way. I started thinking that I wanted them to also be saved, I wanted to teach them about God and Jesus. Well, guess what..all hell broke loose once again. As soon as I started to get serious about God, Satan got serious about me not doing that; my now ex-husband was cheating while I was pregnant and because I was labeled a high risk pregnancy, I unable to work - leading to a depleted income which left us in a state of not having enough money to properly feed ourselves, we had only 1 car which he needed to get to work with, leaving me no car to do any of the shopping or needed doctor appointments with, in other words - the desire to get close to God was met with serious attacks from the enemy!

Something inside me told me not to give up and I didn't - but instead I got frustrated, angry and confused. If it had not been for my mom and my Auntiee encouraging me to keep fighting, I do not know if I would have been able to continue because the harder I tried to change my life, the more bad things would happen and eventually this battle I was in did indeed end up costing me everything, again I will spare you the details of all that was lost, but believe me when I tell you, it costed me everything. My mom and Aunt was most assuredly a pillar for me at that time; they would listen to my problems, cry with me, encourage, minister, and even drop off much needed "care packages." While at that time I didn't fully understand what was happening, I sure as heck do now! And I am thankful to them for their encouragement and their wisdom. I do believe that they recognized this as a true heart felt cry for change and did all they could to help me stay in that battle!

I started to get a plan! Instead of trying to tackle everything in me that was not pleasing to God, I started to ask Him to show me what He wanted me to change because I knew there was so much in me that needed to be changed before I could even come close to living a life that truly reflected my desire but I did not even know where to begin! There were so many things that were broken in me! And it seemed the more I tried to fix it, the more I was losing. Down-hearted did not even begin to describe what I was feeling.

You know what though? God started to take me serious :), Jesus started to influence some of my ways of doing things. He started to show me that while I had desire in my heart, I was still thinking like my old self when things around me were not working, I was still having a battle between heart and mind! I still remember the very first thing that we started to tackle - and that was my potty mouth! It was bad, worse than any drunken sailor you have ever met! And while it may sound silly to some, with my whole world crashing down around me, and I start working on my potty mouth?? really?? LOL!! yes! And I am glad I listened to my Lord Jesus when He put that idea in my beady little brain!

Why am I glad? Because while it was something that I was doing that was certainly not in line with the life I was desiring, it was something that I could SEE changing, and after everything I have gone through up to now in my battle, I really was in need of seeing something start to happen and it was the catalyst for more changes :). I learned something from this, now I try to only tackle 1 thing in my persona at a time and we work on that one thing until it is no longer an issue. I do it like that because of what I learnt from this battle; if you try to tackle everything at one time - the failures of one issue will overshadow the success of another. If I only tackle one thing at a time I am much more motivated by looking back over my day and noticing on THAT DAY - I did not do the ONE thing we are working on! It is success and it is motivating :) So, yes, my potty mouth was the first thing and eventually, we moved onto starting to make good choices instead of desperate choices. God started to move the obstacles in my path and I started to feel like I was not alone in this world that had turned on me so badly - I was not alone in this battle! yay! :).

As you probably already understand, things did not all turn at one time for me, and different battles would arise over the next decade or so; but with each and every passing day - growth was happening and my desire to become a truly converted child of God did eventually take place. Almost everything that I lost; God had either returned to me or gave me much better! Pretty much all of the bad habits I did pick up throughout my life have now been removed and we are now working on fine tuning :) the rebellious streak is gone and I look to ways that will be pleasing to my Heavenly Father, obedience to Him is not looked at as a burden, but with joy and is understood that this is the way. I am truly no longer the person I was and have become such a completely different person that if you were to put the old me next to the new me, you would most assuredly claim they are not even the same people, that the old me looks nothing like the new me! God did that for me :), He took a completely broken me and with the help of my Lord, Jesus a new strong and confident person emerged!

A bonus plan; I told you earlier that He has either given back to me all that was lost or He replaced it with something better. Well, as far as the ex husband situation goes - He put someone in my path and over time we formed a very good friendship. He is my best friend, my husband and my soul mate. But we did not start out at this way. It took time and work. Work on the side of Our Heavenly Father and willingness on our side.

You see, when we met, we both had some heavy baggage as neither one of us had a great experience in the relationship department thus far! However, we did have the one thing in common that mattered and that would be love and respect for our Creator and we knew eachother for years before we started our relationship - so with that being said; we did not EVER forget (while engaging in conversations of indifference) that we were friends. That really means a lot, not just because we all sometimes say things in a heated debate that we don't mean, but also because we need to have a strong foundation in which to build on, and we did (and still do) have that. Our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus really grabbed onto us as a couple when we finally came together and sought out God as a couple. That is when He went to work getting rid of the baggage we both had from previous relationships. Lordyyyyy..that was a lot of stuff He had to fix with us!

While this testimony is not about my husband; I need to share with you how our walk as a COUPLE came about. It was not just because it is imperative for a lasting relationship, and it was not just because it was something that we could share together but the walk as a COUPLE took off like a rocket because of my husbands etremely curious mind when it comes to Creation. You see, he has always felt that there was so much more to the story than meets the eye and so much that is not being told or is being hidden from the general public.

By his being blessed with such a curious mind it has led him into fields of research that most would not embark on such as: Ancient Babylon, The Ancient Mystery School Teachings, Secret Societies (which incidentally are almost always associated with Ancient Babylon and The Ancient Mystery School Teaching). He has also quite extensively researched The Fallen Angels as well as Ancient Cults; many of which are still operational in whole or in part today. These fields of research have opened many doors into a world that is otherwise hidden from the vast majority of mankind and unfortunately for us, this has all been done deliberately to keep hidden what the Evil One is (and has been) doing behind the scenes.

But this is only scratching the surface on the research that my husband has (and is) doing. As a result of all of this research it has opened doors into Biblical Cosmology, which by itself has had such profound implications it has forced him to totally rethink ALL that he was taught about the world in which we live and all that we have been taught about the world in general. Is it really so surprising to discover that for the most part what we have been taught goes against Biblical Cosmology and Creation as a whole? After all, Satan cannot create anything. All he can do is mimic or twist what was already created. And to be brutally honest with you - the worlds view of cosmology is completely backwards from Biblical Cosmology (that should NOT surprise you at all); and yet we all fell for the total indoctrination we all received.

Once he shared all of this with me ( the sponge), I had no choice but to come to the same conclusions because the evidence is overwhelming. The funny thing is (while it was hidden just below the surface for the most part it was and has been there for all to see this entire time) all it took was someone to go and look for it and expose it. And expose it he did!

But these are only a few of the many avenues in which he dove into, believe me there are plenty more, and the deeper he dove in the more interesting and revealing everything has become. Which made him embrace Biblical Verses such as 1 Timothy 6:20 "O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called:" As what he found was that most everything we have been told about our world is a LIE, and really - Where do you go from there ? How do you tell people that all they have held onto for their entire lives is nothing but a fairy tale ? This is the dilemma that has arisen after all of his research.

Now it would be one thing if it could all just be easily debunked, but we have tried. The first thing he tried to do is to say: "there is no way this can be true!" (just as anyone who has been indoctrinated into a set of beliefs he tried to debunk what he found), but as it turned out, he Could Not do it. The more he tried to debunk it the more truth he found. Research is a funny thing as to do it properly you MUST visit both sides of the camp (so to speak) because it is imperative to look for the answers to the questions that not only make sense, but also fallow all known laws ESPECIALLY the Laws of our Creator! At any rate, what he found was Real and True - which gave him one of those moments where he sat back with this blank look on his face, you know the one ( it is the look you get when you have to ask yourself one of the hardest questions that you have ever faced in your life - What Do I Do Now ?) And we have both come to understand the scope of rulership that Satan has in this world and Psalm 118:8 " It is better to take refuge in Jehovah Than to trust in humans." we realized that this verse is NOT a suggestion, but rather a warning!

We are on the same path and we are evenly yoked without a doubt. We are growing together in knowledge and love for our Heavenly Father and for our Lord. We eagerly study regularly together and we try to make decisions that are pleasing to God and are working hard to remain in union with our Lord Jesus. We have been together now for more than 20 years and I plan to spend the rest of my days with, God willing of course! At any rate, I cannot ever stop thanking God and Jesus for all that they have done for me, for us. The many times God supported me even when I doubted, how many times Jesus would keep encouraging me even when I did not understand why things were happening to me. I truly have been blessed! Praise God, Thank You Lord! Amen!